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Thursday, December 20, 2012

It's The End Of The World As We Know It...

December 21, 2012.  The end of the Mayan Calendar.  And supposedly the "end of the world".  I'm kinda surprised I'm not seein more doomsday, or end of days kind of activity around.  Maybe everyone learned an important lesson from the whole Y2K thing in 1999.

So, I'm tryin to get over my annual autumn sinus bullshit.  O came down with it just as I started gettin better....hopefully he's on the mend.  And the country is still reelin over this heart wrenchin, horrifyin Newtown, CT massacre.  I'm not gonna go on & on here about it.  Suffice it to say, as a result of that, & at this time of year, too...it truely IS the end of the world as we know it. Will we see changes aimed at preventing such tragedy in the future? I would hope so.  But probably not. And even if we do...kinda too little too late isn't it?

Anyway, kinda ready to just get through this holiday season, (def ready to be on the other side of Christmas) finish up this year & start another, hopefully better New Year....I have stuff to say about how 2012 was for us, but that's gonna be for the last post of 2012 on New Year's Eve...if the world's still here & we live to see it.

Gonna go watch the movie, 2012...in honor of the end of the world...(as we know it...)

And I feel fine....



Saturday, December 8, 2012

If You're Happy & You Know It....


Photo Credit: Grumpy Cat
Hahahaaa! I just love this kitty! And memes with this grumpy little face are just sweepin the interwebs!  She even has her own website, Facebook & Twitter! Such a cute kitty! But she sure does look pissed off! LOL!  Anyway....this & some posts on Facebook & Twitter got me thinkin.  You see stuff all the time online about how you should be happy no matter what.  That it's totally up to you to feel happy... Things like "You have the power to create your own happiness!!"... "If you don't like something about your life, CHANGE IT!"..."True happiness is to enjoy the present"...."Why be mad or sad when we can be happy instead?"..."I am in charge of how I feel & today I choose to be happy"..."YOU make sure you have a good day!". You know....that stuff.  And I'm sure y'all all know that I have a good answer for each one of those quotes as to why I may NOT feel happy, even if that was my choice....my druthers, my desire for every day for the rest of my life.  Right?

I do get why people post this stuff.  They mean no harm at all.  They are usually super happy, smiley, ever cheerful people themselves, who are just lovin life SO much that they only want that for you as well.  Because they love you.  They love life.  They want you to love life right there with them.

But really it's not always possible to CHOOSE to be happy, is it?  I guess it is for some.  I'm sure somewhere, at some time there was SOMEONE who got a terrible, life threatening diagnosis & it totally didn't piss on their parade.  Right? I've yet to MEET that person.  Or maybe I have. I dunno.

O & I were talkin about this sort of stuff the other day, and we came to the conclusion that, the majority of people who appear to be all Happy Happy Joy Joy, like ALL the time, have never had to face their own mortality or be concerned about where they & their family will sleep that night, or any stuff equally as terrifying. OR, the exact opposite is true.  They are miserable, unhappy & just trying to find their way back to happy with these lovely affirmations.

I don't have issues anymore with seeing these quotes & stuff everywhere, really, so please don't think that's what this post is tryin to say...at all.  I'm just sayin...folks, try to keep in mind that for some, Happy may just have to be put on hold for a bit.  Could be a few hours, days, weeks....maybe even months or years.  Some will never be happy again.  I, thankfully, am not one of those people.  I have found my way back to happy.  For the most part.  I could be way happier, too.  But I can tell you this.  There was a good long stretch of time that seein that stuff posted in my news feeds had the exact opposite effect for me. 

Not sayin anybody should change anything about what they say or do, or post online, or feel or whatever.  Just another random musing....thoughts...

I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.



Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Grease Is The Word...

Ok, so y'all have seen blog after blog about our issues tryin to get something to eat.  Especially when we've had to work late & have to eat out or pick something up.  Well here we go again.  We work with a wrestling show to produce their monthly show for TV (still waiting to be picked up) & DVD.  Sometimes we don't get outta there till after midnight, & at that point, our food options are limited.  So this particular evening we chose Jack In The Box...one of two twenty-four hour drive thru joints between the wrestling show & our house.  Ok, now I do love me some JIB Tacos.  I know they're not "real".  I really don't care what the fuck they are, cause I just totally love em.  Or I did. 

Jack In The Box Website Image
Anyway, here is what JIB has on their website to represent their Tacos.  Ok, now I've never ever gotten Tacos from there that look like this.  Ever.  But it's fine, cause they taste awesome.  Until this past weekend.

Ok, so it's late, we're tired.  We're hungry.  I've looooong since learned my lesson about orderin a salad from a fast food place late late at night.  Trust me.  Just don't do it.  So I figured on a breakfast sandwich & a couple of their tacos.  Normally this is just fine.  Now again, I never expect the tacos to look like that picture there on the right.  Yes, they are usually kinda greasy & the filling a bit of an unrecognizeable mesh of some sort of meatish paste with lettuce, cheese & some taco sauce.  And I've totally been fine with that.  Until I got these babies home.  OH. MY. GAWD.  I mean, I've had greasy JIB tacos, but wow. 

I was nervous before even takin them out of the wrapper.  So we took em out & this is how they looked. 


So, just had the breakfast sandwich.  Tossed the tacos, cause I was CERTAIN that if I ate this, I would DEF "toss my tacos" if ya know what I mean. 

Ok, abrupt subject change.  For those of you wonderin, where the hell is all the cancer convo?  What's with all this food chat & political ranting?  Well, I'm right smack in the middle of my Oncology appointments, so there's not much doin in the cancer biz these days.  Oh, except for the everlasting paranoia.  I like to call it "The Fear".  It's that thing that now lives in the back of my mind & scares the ever livin shit outta me every time I have the slightest ache or pain.  And GOD FORBID I ever get a headache.  I woke up with one such pain this past Monday.  My right hip was totally hurtin.  Like throbbin, ache, fuckin shit this hurts kinda pain. And my mind is off to the races, thinkin the unthinkable.  But then an NSAID took the pain away, I slept differently in the bed that night, & I'm all good as new again.  Thankfully.  But then, that's the fucked up nature of bc isn't it?  There really is no Remission. So I'm still learnin to live with the New Normal.  How am I doin that?  Well, that's another post, cominatcha Very soon.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

When Yer Hot, Yer Hot...

And when yer not, yer not.  Saw these different hot sauces in a store at the mall.  Kinda didn't love that they were viewable by children.






Really?

Friday, November 23, 2012

And I Fall Asleep Counting My Blessings

This Thanksgiving I'm thankful for SO many things. I'm thankful that I live in this era of great technology that includes Facebook (thank you Mark Zuckerberg) & also Skype. These things sure do help to bridge the huge 1000 mile gap between me & my family. And my Georgia friends. I am thankful that I'm married, for my husband, my family, my friends, my AWESOME medical team - surgeon, oncologists, nurses & staff.  Thankful that I have my health....Thankful for every day...Thankful that it only took just under three years to regrow my hair back into something that looks like ME. Thankful that all our basic needs are met.

Just very very thankful.

Thankful thankful thankful.

What Are Words For...

When no one listens any more....

Until I drop the F-Bomb anyway.  Jeez.  Lately I've been seein some people givin other people shit about their use of dirty words.  One lady is even sayin that she's gonna unfriend anybody on Facebook who uses the F-Bomb in a status update.

*Braces self for the fuckin unfriending*

Ok, here's the deal.  I cuss.  I cuss a lot.  And the word fuck is among my favorite words.  I also have learned some new cusses from a friend on facebook....here's one - twatwaffle.  In a sentance: Donald Trump is an utter & complete twatwaffle.  I fuckin love that! LOL!

Anyway....just had to put it on out there.  I cuss.  I'm mindful not to do it when around children & also when in the company of people I know would be offended. 



Sunday, November 18, 2012

This Is The End....

Of Hostess.

Good lord. Hostess is goin out of business.  And people are totally freakin the fuck out.  They're all like, WHAT???!!! No more Twinkies? Zingers? Wonder Bread? OMGOMGOMG!!!!!

I had to be the one to break the news to O.

Me: So this explains why you couldn't find Zingers in the store yesterday.
O: What?
Me: Hostess is shutting down.
O: Bullshit.  No they're not.
Me: Showin him the CNN article...Yes. They are.  Check it.
O: OH. MY. God. I canNOT believe this. *his voice growin frantic* So this is gonna be the end of Twinkies, Zingers, Ho Ho's, the Cupcakes with the curly deal on top?  This is just terrible.  It's an absolute TRAVESTY!!!!!!
Me: *runnin to the sink as I try to stop coffee from spewin out my nose*

Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! I love how he just cracks me up sometimes. =)

And just as two states have legalized marijuana....Oh the irony! LOL!  And as the "End of the World" is approachin next month.  Well played Mayans.

Ok people....I seriously doubt this is the END OF THE TWINKIE.  I'm quite certain another brand will pick it up & carry on.  So yeah, let's remember the "sage advice of the lemur". 

Money....So They Say....

Is the root of all evil Tooooodaaaay.

Yep.  We fell victim to a piece of shit, bottom feedin, thievin asshole.  Apparently my debit card was swiped on a machine that had a skimmer on it.  Luckily, thanks to the Text Notification service provided by our bank, we were able to report the fraudulent activity & shut down the transaction immediately.  It went down like this:

Sittin in a restaurant, orderin what turned out to be some of the worst food we've ever been served (yes, the food drama continues...but that's another post for another time....).

O:  Have you been doin some shoe shoppin?
Me: Uh, nope.
O: I just got a notification of the debit card bein used for over $200 at Payless....
Me: Fuckin shit! You need to call the bank NOW! NOW NOW NOW!!!!! Good gawd!

Twohundred dollars worth of shoes at Payless is a bunch of damn shoes.  And this person thought themselves to be oh so clever.  Ordered the shoes online...charged came out of Kansas....was set to ship for pickup at a store in New York.  But the charge never made it past the Authorization process & was never even posted.  So, take that, dumbass-theivin-assface!

This, among SO many other things, we are thankful for.

But that was just one of a bit of a flurry of bad luck stuff we had to deal with in the last several days.  Started with getting a Notice of Violation from our HOA.  Apparently our fence must be restained.  And, as I type this, O is outside stainin the fence.  Later that day, our engine light in the truck came on.  We're all like, REALLY?! Must be Mercury Retrograde....Yep...it sure is.

And then there was the frantic day where O was on a day long shoot & shit started hittin the fan with a project we're hopin is gonna be a VERY good thing for us & our wresting show people.  Again, another post, for another time.

What else....Thanksgiving is approaching.  Turkey anxiety has been handled.  I have a lovely 15 pound bird in the fridge.  Now to deal with the squash anxiety....will handle that tomorrow. 


2 yrs, 11 mos post chemo
And finally....hair regrowth update time....Two years & eleven months of hair growin has resulted in this: 

Thanks everyone for readin, commentin & subscribin to my blog.  O recently made me a lovely Facebook Fan page.  Check me out! https://www.facebook.com/#!/LunaTechChick2009
Hey, please go on & Like on it...I figure, this is the perfect way to keep up with the blog, without havin to Follow or Subscribe.  I understand how some folks are hesitant to put their email address in the little box up there.

Thanks so much! xx

Sunday, November 11, 2012

You Say You Want A Revolution....

Don’t you know that you can count me out

Well ya know....

Sorry Mr Trump.  You are quite mistaken.  Now that all the votes are counted, President Obama did win the popular vote. 

I'm glad the election is over.  And I was right.  There's no end in sight to all the arguing & threats to defect to Canada & all the other bullshit.  In some cases it's even worse now than before.
Saw this on Facebook. HAD to share. =)
Look.  The POTUS all by himself doesn't make stuff happen.  Ok?  Can we all please now just accept that the American people have made their choice & let's work together & support?

Don't you know it's gonna be.....alright...



 

Sunday, November 4, 2012

It's The Final Countdown...

Election 2012 is in the final hours.  We're gonna know who will be the next POTUS this week.  And either way it goes, I have a feeling it won't be the end of the utter & complete bullshit I'm seeing all over the intergoogles. And we're seeing our freinds, family, other people we know, or thought we knew, in a whole different light. Thanks to social media like Facebook & Twitter, we are learning so much more about each other. Especially in the last few months of this Election Year.  I'm hearing of people unfriending people on Facebook cause they post political views & opinions that differ from theirs.  Blockin people on Twitter.  Gettin into all out Facebook fights.  There was even a story on CNN about it.

Really?
 
And is somebody else's Facebook Profile Page really the place to have your Political Rant/Tantrum? Most of the time I will refrain from posting anything on my Facebook or Twitter that indicates which way I lean politically.  I also don't get into religious discussions on social media.  Occasionally I will share a humorous post or picture that has to do with politics.  But it's because I think it's funny.  Like this humorous riff on Dr Seuss' Green Eggs & Ham.  Or these others that I'm sure both candidates would find pretty damn funny.
So let's stop with all the asshattery.  Let's use a little social media etiquette, shall we?  I will not delete anyone from my Facebook over political posts (on my page or their own)...or religious posts...or foul language...(I mean, why the fuck would I fuckin do that?) That's just not my way. I'll just come over here & bitch blog about it.  Cool?
 
*steps down off soapbox*


Witch-ay woman
Ok, so hope everyone had a Happy Halloween! We went to have some fajitas & then came home & handed out candy.  I did not dress up, but did wear a hat.  

And here we are in November.  Time for the annual "turkey anxiety". =)

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Bad Medicine

And I ain't talkin bout yer love either. But what I AM talkin bout is the fact that I am now officially DONE with taking Tamoxifen.  My bc was ER- / PR WEAKLY + at only 9%.  Pretty sure the HER2+ was the thing with mine.  I took the Tamoxifen for just over 2 years. (Normal course of treatment with Tamoxifen is 5 years.) In the last several months it has made me a complete basket case, paranoid freak. (Ok, more so than I already am.) And it also was affecting other stuff too, physically, not just makin me totally fucked up in the head. (Again, even more so...lol) I mean, I was havin all kinds of weirdo symptoms "count em 1 - 2 - 3" ...*throws the "horns" in the air, bangs head & slings hair around*  

I'm also pretty sure that my Onc, Dr W, now dreads havin to deal with me after the way the last appointment went.  But in that last appointment he made "an executive decision" to have me stop the Tamoxifen for 30 days & then check back in with him.  So I did, & Dr W, through his nurse B, said it was OK for me to stop the Tamoxifen permanently.  I realize that it will probably take a bit longer for all the Tamoxifen to get out of my system, but I can definitely tell I'm more my old self lately. 
 
So that's it.  O & I decided to celebrate.  Went to my favorite steak joint, but they've changed the way they prepare the steaks, so it is no longer my favorite steak place.  O had a lovely chicken fried steak that was very good.  My little sirloin? NotSoMuch.  But O & I split a wonderful Grey Goose martini ("shake it up..." lol) & toasted to the official end of all treatments & gettin on with life....& the fact that Halloween is in just a few days!!!

Can ya tell we love Halloween? 

YAY!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I Feel The Earth...Move...Under My Feet....

So we were just hangin out on the sofa, watchin TV & the stuff on the fireplace mantle started shaking & the sofa itself just suddenly moved. Like a jolting kinda sudden movement.  And I thought, damn, what the fuck was that? 

So I asked O, "Did you feel that?" 
O: "No...what?"
Me: "You totally didn't feel the couch move & hear that stuff rattle on the mantle???"
O: "Nope." 

He was very into the TV at the moment.  I thought to myself, wonder if that was an earthquake?  Should have said it out loud, cause about an hour later O says while lookin at his BlackBerry, "Yep, says here Channel 8 said we just had an earthquake!"  I was all like "I KNEW IT! I Totally knew that was an earthquake!!"  It was small, 2.7, but still...was totally freaky!

Another freaky thing happend last week.  Our little friend Godzilla is back! He's gotten bigger! And he didn't mind us gettin up close & personal...O took a bunch of pictures of him & some video too. 

So that's about it for now....Just pretty much wanted to tell y'all we felt an earthquake & had a visit from our little friend Godzilla.

And lookin forward to Halloween. 


Thursday, October 18, 2012

So Long, Farewell....

auf Wiedersehen, adieu....

For the last 10 years I've had a salivary gland stone.  More specifically, I was told it was a 4mm calcium deposit in the submandibular salivary gland. (The cause of these stones is unknown...could be from takin my allergy meds, or blood pressure meds, or just the result of "dry mouth".)  And at that time, the only remedy was surgery, or just use lemon drops or other things to stimulate saliva.  Occasionally it would cause the gland to become infected...about once every couple of years.  So then you take antibiotics.  And I had such an infection a couple of weeks ago.  And I was really sick & tired of dealing with it.  So I did some Google-in & learned there is a newish procedure called Sialendoscopy...they go in through the opening of the gland duct with a tiny scope thing & pull the stone out.  Great!  So I made an appointment with an ENT doc.  Of course a new patient tryin to see a specialist is gonna wait at least a couple of weeks to get an appointment.  But I was cool with that.  I've been dealin with this shit for 10 years, was already on the antibiotics...what's another couple of weeks, right? 

But this time on the antibiotics was different from all the other times....I started seein this white lump under my tongue.  And then after a couple of more days, the lump became scratchy feelin.  Of course I jack with it.  Try to scratch it off with my fingernail...nope.  So I take my dental pickin tool thingy & try to scrape it off & when I drag it across the white lump, it sounds like I'm scratchin on a fuckin rock.  So I Google again...At this point I've got myself absolutely convinced I've got some sort of fuckin mouth cancer or leukoplakia goin on...all my years of smokin (quit 9 years ago) & drinkin (don't ask) have finally caught up to me & now I've got fucking mouth cancer.  Great.  Finished the 10 day course of antibiotics.  Still have a week to go before I can see the ENT guy.  So I pop in to my regular PCP's office & see the Nurse Practicioner there.  Show it to her, tell her my history of the pain in my ass (er, mouth) salivary gland stone, & ask her could this be the stone itself tryin to pass through the duct? She was all like:

"No...absolutely not.  That's not what this is.  I don't know what this is.  Some sort of keratinized horn.  But not leukoplakia...definitely not that." 
Me: "Ok, can you say it's also definitely not mouth cancer?"
Her: "No, I can't say that either, but from the way you say it just appeared, it doesn't sound like cancer, which doesn't just 'pop up', but grows over time."

So we left & I felt reasonably sure I wasn't dying of anything.  Shit, I just had my physical 2 weeks ago & was given a clean bill of health! *takes a bow* =)

But the damned white lump under my tongue just seemed to get larger & scratchier.  And then I did more Google-in & saw pictures of salivary stones actually passing through the ducts & coming out.  And then I was totally convinced that this is what I was dealing with.  *shakes fist at Nurse Practitioner*

The Salivary Gland Stone
O looked at the Google pics, looked at the lump under my tongue & agreed.  He was sayin to just sterilize some tweezers, grab that fucker & pull it out! But I was too scared.  What if it flared out at the bottom, or was pyramid shaped? I don't wanna rip a big ass hole in my mouth & bleed like crazy!  Then O recommended I swish my mouth with Listerine.  So I did that.  And then it started happenin.  The gland started swelling...started having pain at the white lump under the tongue place.  And then the stone pretty much shot right out of my salivary gland duct.  I literally plucked it out with my fingernail. 

Absolutely freaky fuckin shit.  And ever since....I can see that my issues with this are a thing of the past.  The floor of my mouth hasn't felt so happy & lovely in years. 

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye.

YAY!!!! =)



Sunday, October 7, 2012

Color My World...

PINK. Yes it's that time again.  Breast Cancer Awareness month. And every year I feel differently about all the pinkness goin on.   I waffle back & forth on the whole Pink issue. I know some bc ladies who absolutely hate the pink ribbon....almost militant about it. I display it here & there mostly as a symbol of solidarity & so others will recognize that I, too, have been there. And then I know some ladies who absolutely flank themselves in pink & pink ribbon stuff....I recently watched the Documentary "Pink Ribbons, Inc" & it was just ok. Didn't really point out anything that we all probably didn't already know. Which is that lots of companies have jumped on the "Pink Ribbon Bandwagon" & plaster it on their products to boost sales while only donating a teeny tiny portion to bc research. And some of these companies manufacture products that have known carcinogens in them...even in some Pink Ribbon labeled stuff.  So I just ask my friends & family to "think before you pink". Look at the product's packaging & make sure it at least tells you WHERE money is being sent & if it tells you an amount or percentage, even better. I trip out every year on stuff they put the ribbon on. This year's trip out?  Pink Ribbon Pasta.  Check it out.  

Yes, pretty much everywhere, everything is awash with the shade of Pepto Bismol.  You can't escape it.  So I just don't see the point in spending energy on gettin all bent about seein it everywhere.  For instance....when you're newly diagnosed, doesn't it seem like friends & family all start sportin the pink ribbon, givin you pink ribbon gifts, etc?  I heard a story of a nice teacher lady who was diagnosed...& all her students started wearin pink ribbons to support her.  I don't think she's a fan of the ribbon, but really....all people are tryin to say by doin that is that they love you & want to support you.  I just don't get those who respond with "I got yer awareness RIGHT HERE!!" while pointin to their breasts, or mastectomy sites....eh, I dunno.....how about just feel happy that people want to show they care about you & what you're goin through?

And while I'm on my soapbox....I'm learnin that some people take offense to being called a Survivor.  Why?  I get that not everyone survives it.  But what else are we supposed to call ourselves?  "People with a bc diagnosis" I guess.  Just seems easier to say "Survivor". 

Now here's one thing that I DO agree about.  I don't like to say that I've "battled bc".  Rather, it battle ME.  Or that I've "fought" bc.  I didn't fight.  I just showed up.  I needed surgery.  I showed up.  Needed Chemo, showed up.  Needed Radiation.....you get the picture.  But, while I don't like the expression, I'm not gonna get all pissed off about someone sayin about how I "battled" or "fought" bc. But the one I absolutely HATE the most....when you hear that someone "lost their battle"...to me this implies that they did something wrong, or weren't tough enough....which is just wrong.  I say, those are the ones "taken" by this fucked up disease.

Eh, so I guess as time goes on, I realize....that while I do have my own opinions of stuff....at this point, deep down....I really don't give a shit about most of this "small stuff".  



Saturday, September 29, 2012

I Just Want To Celebrate...



View from Dr V's
Another day of Liiiiiife!!!  It's official.  All the oncology visits are done!  The mammo was clear & I can now have the Diagnostic Mammos annually instead of every 6 months.  My Oncologist, Dr W says he'll see me in 6 months! He didn't run labs.  I didn't insist.  I know I was gonna, but I figure he's the expert.  The surgeon, Dr V says the boobies feel good. (Not like that! LOL!) And I had my annual physical & got the results of my labs (also why I didn't worry bout Dr W not runnin them) & I still have beautiful blood! 
Everything in the normal range!

So NOW I will celebrate my Three Year NED-ness! YAY!

We put out our Halloween deco last weekend.  I love Halloween! So fun.  I think my favorite deco is our breakfast table this year. But the fireplace mantle came out pretty cool too.

 Let's see, what else...our video biz has been busy, which is good.  So we've been doin shoots here & there, some crazy early in the mornin...& meetin some really neat people.  O & I recently were talkin about how it really does seem like life is finally gettin back to normal....whatever normal is.  And now that I've got the confirmation that I'm still doin good from all the docs... I hope I can begin to live like the bc bullshit is part of my past...no longer my present.  I'm sure gonna try! (I know, I know....we've heard this all before, but I will this time...Really.  No REALLY! lol!)
 
And I don't have to see another doctor of any kind for SIX WHOLE MONTHS!
 
That's why I'm tellin you, I just want to celebrate....Yeah, yeah!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

O Canada...

I see England, I see France...
I can see that people all around the world read my blog... *waves at new readers/subscribers*  Thanks for readin, followin & subscribin & commentin y'all!  
I usually see readers from Canada too...but not so much lately. 
Was it somethin I said?
Anyway, just a random musing as I was lookin at the stats page for the blog. 

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Yesterday....

All my troubles seemed so far away....

3 Years Ago Yesterday
Even though it was the anniversary of the "Great Head Shave Event".... I was also armed with the knowledge that my mammogram was CLEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!  I don't have to get squashed again for a whole year!!!! So yesterday was a pretty good day.

So that's 2 scary doctor appointments with good reports
down, 2 to go.

Last week my friend & I went shoppin.  Here is a pic of me bein SO very silly...
Well, it looked like somethin else from across the street! LOL!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Don't Worry Baby....

Everything will turn out alright...

If O were guest bloggin (which he isn't), that's probably what he'd have to say.  LOL!

Got the big milestone mammo tomorrow (Thursday, Sept 13).  If I pass this one, they will let me go to ANNUAL diagnostic mammos.  So we have our fingers & toes all crossed for me to get the thumbs up, all clear. 

As usual, I am a bit of a bundle of nerves.  But tryin to remain positive.  And not be a total freak tomorrow. 

Wish me luck!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Here Baby, There Mama....

Waitin in the truck 8/2012
Everywhere..... Yep.  Haaaaaaiiiirrrr!!!!! More & more things seem to be gettin back to normal.  O pointed out one of those things this mornin.  He says: "Well, guess I'm gonna have to get used to your hair bein all over the place...again..." while gettin ready in the bathroom. Lookin around, I can see that, yes, there are strands of my hair around here & there. Yes, the shedding has begun.  Up until recently, I wasn't sheddin at all....Most people lose 100 - 200 strands of hair every day.  Just the natural life cycle of hair.  But I hadn't lost any until a couple of months ago.  Guess since it's all brand new, it just hung in there.  Which would explain why it's so much thicker than it was before it fell out.  But I suspect it's on it's way back to it's normal thickness...or rather, THINness.  Guess we'll just have to wait & see. 

What else....got a call from the Fab Oncologist Dr W the other day.  He was copied on that hormone blood work Dr D did last week.  It's Dr W's opinion that the number is still in the same range...almost an identical reading.  Which it is.  He really felt I am postmenopausal.  Until I shared with him about the ovulation & the conversation I had with Dr D.  Now he's not so sure.  What to do?  I think the two of them need to have a chat or somethin.  Gonna suggest that when I see Dr W in 3 weeks. (There's that Number 3 again! LOL)

Maybe I misunderstood Dr D?  Which is totally possible since I made it 3 years without realizin my bc was Stage III.  (Three mentions of three....ok, I'll stop! lol!) 

Friday, August 24, 2012

The Bitch Is Back... (TMI WARNING)

She goes by many names...Aunt Flo, Miss Monthly Visitor, Miss Red, Dot, Ladybug...After an almost two year absence, yes, the Bitch is Back....I think.....well, not sure just how back....so this is what happened.  *This is where the TMI stuff is, for you squeamish readers.*

I started seein just a trace, teensy tiny, teeny bit of spottin.  I was all like, mmmm'kaaaay...Am I havin a menstrual cycle?? Kinda thought that biz was pretty much over.  Especially since Dr W's FSH test in May showed I was POST menopausal....(but then the other hormone showed ovulation)....Anyway....so I called the ob/gyn Dr D....decided to go ahead & move up the sono appointment from September to ASAP & make sure there were no Tamoxifen related issues.  And also re-ran that FSH hormone test to see what's goin on here.

So I go for the sonogram. And I broke my New Year's Resolution to remain calm & not be a total weirdo freak in front of my doctors. Ugh...so embarrassing!  But everything looks fine.  Same ol same ol, except for the fact that it appears that I had recently ovulated. He & the tech were all like "Hey look at that, she ovulated!" 0.0...  Next day I get the phone call that yes, the FSH still shows I'm POST menopausal...but the number is goin down...a tiny bit...Down is the direction toward PRE-menopause numbers....& then there's the whole issue of the ovulation.  How the hell do you ovulate if you've completed menopause???

So here's what Dr D is thinkin....it appears that perhaps my ovaries are "wakin up" after havin gone through all the trauma of chemo & cancer treatment.  And maybe I will expect some irregular visits from ol Auntie Flo...Hormones could be just all over the place for awhile.  Which would explain a lot....Bitch is Back you say?  Mmmm, yeah...just ask O who's referred to me as a "moody bitch" twice in the last month. (And he'd be SO right, too.) 

Sooooooooooooo long story short....had them copy Dr W on these findings.  Dr W will probably run it again next month.  So still have a bit of a flurry of docs to see in September.  And this "Milestone Mammo"....ugh. 

On the way to get tats
Ok, subject change.  My friend & I went & got matchin tattoos.  I call em our "BFF Tats".  It's a design with an eternity symbol that's open on one end...together you can see that they would "connect".  I know..."Awwwwww.....ain't we sweet?!" 
Yay!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone...

Oxnard.  Then Oakland.

O & I are major Dallas Cowboys fans.  So as part of our summer fun we took the VIP tour of the new(ish) Cowboys Stadium.  We had a great tour guide take us all over the stadium including the suite where Jerry Jones & family watch the game, (or "go to work" as the guide explained it) a luxury suite, the Miller Lite Club, Cheerleaders & Team Dressing Rooms & just all over the place.  At the end you are allowed to just go down on the field & have fun, take pictures & stuff.  Which we did.  Was great fun.  So glad football season is back on. 

How Bout Them COWBOYS!!!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Strange Magic

Sooooooo....lots of THREE's lately.  This is the third post to do with "three".  The first of 3 posts about 3's was this. A magic number?  Hmmmmm.... Then there was this post.  (In hindsight, I wish I had titled it "One And One And One Is III"...lol.)  And now this post yer readin, where I'm thinkin, sh'yeah...maybe the number 3 ain't so special.  Magic? Eh...it's a Straaaaange Magic.  And with this post, (3rd time's the charm?) I'd like to put this bullshit outta my damn mind.  And yeah, I went ahead & got confirmation from Dr W's...Stage III.  Has been since day one. I asked O if he recalled bein told it was Stage III & he was all like "Well yeah...where the hell YOU been??". 

Anyway....I still have about 6 weeks (3 + 3 lol) till I can see the docs who have the power to put my mind at ease...All THREE of em.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Feelin HOT HOT HOT...

Good gawd! Here we go again....another stretch of days where temps will be at or above 104°.  And we hate it.  Hopin this is the "last gasp" in these dog days of summer.  Compared to last summer though, it's been pretty mild.  I can totally deal with temps around 100°, but when it gets much above that...I just have such a hard time.  I mean, 8pm & it's still 101° outside.  Really?  And if you have to be out & about in this heat...ugh. 

So, looks like about another week of crazy heat & then maybe it will back off to less than triple digits.  Gonna hope for that.

Ok...hair:  Chemo curl.  It goes on & on & on & on....(Journey anyone?)  On super hot days, I've found it's better to "embrace the curl" as a friend once told me about a year ago...so this is it 2 years & 7 months from last chemo.  It's much faster to dry this way.  And so I've been doin this quite a bit this summer.  The less time you have to point a hairdryer blowin hot air at yer head durin this time is good. YAY!

One & One & One Is Three....

Ok, just gonna put this out there....I learned somethin (I think) a couple of days ago.  And it's had me a bit freaked out. (What's new...) And I'm thinkin that if I blog it out, maybe I can put it out of my mind.  (Yeah, right!) So here we go....

I've totally been lovin this new, hi tech computer stuff at my Oncologist's new office.  There's this "Patient Portal" where I can log in & get test results, confirm my appointments with Dr W, & even see all the correspondence between him & my other doctors.  S'all good right?  WELL....I got a notification a few days ago about a new Record havin been added to my stuff.  So I log on & check it out.  Nice letter from Dr W to all my other docs....about how I followed him to the new place, I appear to be doin well, this looks fine, that checks out fine...."I will continue to monitor her conservatively at this time with a follow up in 4 months..." Yeah...all sounds great.  And I also saw that all my stuff from the last 3 years has been scanned in & transferred to Dr W's...And then I saw it. A note from my routine follow up from February.  At the end of the letter is a part called "Assesment/Plan:" And there's my full diagnosis & pathology info.  And it starts with "Stage IIIA, Left Breast Carcinoma, ER Negative/PR 9%......"

WHOA!!!  Stage III??!  All this time I've been goin around thinkin I was a Stage II bc survivor.  So I was all like, "Whaaaatthefuuuuuck????!!!!"  Surely this is a typo....

But I've done some checkin....& I do believe that is the case. And how the hell did I manage to miss this bit of information? 

And yeah, (naturally) it freaked me out, but I dunno why really. It's not like it even matters at all at this point. Doesn't change a thing.  Just changes what I thought I knew & what I thought I had.  Well...& survival rates & stuff, but I never looked into all that anyway.  Shew...I know myself well enough to know better than to even bother with lookin at that stuff. 

Anyway, was gonna call up Dr's W & V & ask for clarification, but then I figured, what the hell for??!  Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter at all anymore. This has been the case from day one apparently & I've received appropriate treatment.  I do need to clarify to be for sure for sure, but I think it can wait till I'm in front of them in September. I mean, if I'm tellin my story, I need to be tellin it right! Right?

So how bout that! I'm tougher than I thought, bein all Stage III & all....

And I also don't think I'm gonna be lookin at the Online Notes stuff again. 

Nope.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Three Is A Magic Number...

Yes it is.  Today is my Three Year Cancer Free Anniversary.  Three years ago on July 23, I had my second breast surgery that removed all the cancer.  But, as always, gonna have to reserve the celebratin till I make the rounds to all the docs in September to make sure that NED is still by BFF.  Ya know? 
Anyway, every July I reflect & am so thankful for all of my medical team & friends & family & hubs for gettin me through it. 

And it's my understanding that at the Three Year Mark, I fall off another statistic.  YAY! =)




Also, as I was goin up the stairs, I saw these birds hangin out.  Are these doves? Pigeons? I've never seen this kind of bird around here before.  Is there any symbolism to bein visited by these cute birdies on my Three Year NED Anniversary?




And I've added a section to the Blog over there on the right.  Scroll down a bit & you'll see a section called "Favorite Posts".  Hope y'all will check it out.  =)

Monday, July 16, 2012

There Must Be Fifty Ways....

Or should that be Fifty SHADES...?

Ok, so this Fifty Shades trilogy of books.  Apparently  most females have read them.  I really wasn't all that interested, as I have never been a fan of readin fiction.  I've always felt that, if it didn't really happen, who cares?! BUT, after havin ALL my female friends after me to READ THE BOOKS, & seein it discussed on pretty much every news & talk show on TV, I finally downloaded the first book into the Kindle.  And I read it. 

Now I can see why it's all the big shizz right now, but haven't there been trashy sex novels being written for, like, ever?  With pictures of Fabio in an intimate embrace with some flowing haired, big busted chickie?

Anyway...I've read the first one.  Haven't downloaded the second one yet.  I'm not all in a rush to learn what happens next.  Maybe if the book had better writing....(Note to the Author....it's called a Thesaurus.  Get one.) But then again, women aren't reading it for the literary genius of it either. LOL!  It's also being referred to as "Mommy Porn".  Yep. And grey neckties are just flying off the shelves, along with the books. Even some resorts & hotels have introduced Fifty Shades packages...."Oh my..."    

It's a nice story.  Fun read. 

I have to share an exchange I saw on Facebook about it.  A lady asked a (married) man if he liked Fifty Shades of Grey.  Here is his response: "Terribly written, but seems to work magic on married women, so Yes! I like it very much!" Hahahahahaaaaaa! 

And this concludes my "current events" post for today.  *Looks around for where I left my Kindle*

;)

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Different Strokes For Different Folks....

Ok, so this is gonna be a bit ramblin probably....more of a musing I guess, as I approach my Three Year Cancer Free Anniversary. 

So here we go. Immediately after clickin "Publish" on this post, I get a Facebook notification from one of the several breast cancer awareness/support/research/and-so-on-and-so-on-and-scooby-dooby-dooby groups I was subscribed to.  And the information in that post just rattled me a little bit.  I was gonna post a link here, but I don't wanna rattle anybody the way I was, so, just take my word for it.  It was not the best info for me to come across at that moment.  And so I very quickly unsubscribed from & unfollowed all of the above mentioned groups & blogs havin to do with breast cancer, except for just a couple where I know the person personally.  Ya know?  

Like, back in 2009 when I was diagnosed & began treatment, naturally I logged on to the Susan G Komen Discussion Forum in search of answers.  And luckily I "met" a group of really wonderful ladies who were also relatively new, or right on schedule with me.  I'm so glad I did that cause those ladies helped me so much with their experiences & to hear from some very long term survivors was really helpful too.  And along the way I managed to follow lots of bc blogs, Facebook groups & such.

As recently as oooohhhh....6 months ago, as a result of havin had bc, I thought I wanted to go to work in the field...either go back to school & get trained to do something like mammograms or CT Scans...or maybe become a Licensed Counselor, or volunteer at a Chemo facility.  I used to log on to the Komen Boards almost daily to try to answer questions & offer support for those newbies that came on there totally freakin out, just like I did in the beginning.  And that was fine for me (& hopefully for those newbies) at the time.

I dunno exactly when I started to change my mind about stuff, or what happened.  But somewhere along the way, I just decided I really didn't want that...to eat, sleep, live, breath, walk, talk bc anymore.  I found I went on Komen less & less cause I just couldn't handle readin those posts anymore.  I know there are some on there who have been on there for years & years, & they are SO helpful....but it's just not for me.  Different Strokes For Different Folks...Oooh sha sha...

I'm aware of many great ladies who have managed to turn their bc into a book writing career, or had their blogs made into books, or went to work in the field.  And those ladies are what inspired me to want that at one time too.  But now I just want to live POST bc.  Where it's not a part of my every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month.  Ya know? I thought I wanted to work with bc all the time, like so many others, but realize I just can't.  (I get that this post is redundant, because of the other post I mentioned earlier.  But eh, this is where I'm at right now. And not everything that's goin on makes it into this blog, so......) It's always gonna be part of who I am now though.

I have a couple of friends who are also bc survivors who are doin a MUCH better job than me at achievin their new normal.  And I don't think those that know me are all that surprised that I'm still wafflin between feelin like bc is what I'm goin through, & what I've been through.  
Now I need to say that I'm SO glad to still be in touch with that group of ladies from the Komen Forum.  I call them my "Komen Sisters". Yay Facebook!  *waves at newly subscribed Komen Sisters* =) What we focus on together is the "New Normal".  Whatever "normal" is. I'm obviously still lookin for it.

I need to find it.  

I MUST find it.   

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I Like Mine With Lettuce And Tomaduh...

Hey! Hi'ya! Howdy!!!  Just a quickie here.  Been meanin to post about this.  I FINALLY tried the famous In-N-Out Burger!!!  YAY!  Ok, people that know me know, that I do love to eat.  They also know I especially love a good cheeseburger.  Everybody has their favorite burger joint.  Some say Chili's Oldtimer is the best.  Some prefer Fuddrucker's. There's a chain around here called Kincaid's that people swear is the best burger you'll ever eat.  And then there's Red Robin.  They have some crazy burgers in there.  That's where I first learned that some people like to put an egg on their burger.  I'm all like, "EGG?  On a BURGER?!" O tried it.  Said it was pretty good.  

Maybe not perty, but SO delish!
I have had a burger at all the above mentioned places, but my favorite so far has to be Five Guys Burgers And Fries.







OMG that is the BEST. BURGER. EVER! I like mine with lettuce, tomato, mayo & ketchup.  Sometimes I like jalapenos.  O gets his "all the way" complete with grilled onions & mushrooms & stuff.  And we both agree, this one...Burger Paradise. 

But then In-N-Out came to town & people were all like, "you gotta get one, it's the best thing ever....."  And I was very excited to try it.  I mean, when the first one in our area opened, it made the news because of the traffic jam around it with people tryin to get in.  Even the new one near us, been open for several months now, & the drive thru is constantly backed up around the building.  So, when I had the chance to try it out with a couple of friends, I was very much lookin forward to it.  Again, people that know me know....I do tend to get excited about eatin.  
In-N-Out...look very good...but......
So, here it is.  And the verdict:  My friends liked it fine.  One agreed Five Guys is def better.  The other especially liked it, but didn't get what all the big hubub is about.  And neither do I.  I personally did not like it.  At all.  Nope.  And the fries totally freaked me out.  Was like little, deep fried sponges.  Eh....so it's not for me.   But had to try it.  And I may try it again....maybe have them hold that weird Special Sauce....